Thursday, May 5, 2011

A new day has dawned...

When you feel like, at any moment, there could be a camera man sitting in the passenger seat of your car filming you as you shovel food into your mouth like it is a landfill and you know that it will soon be featured on Intervention, that is when you know it is time.

Sugar.  I am completely addicted.  I never thought that it was actually a problem, I just really liked sweets.  Who would think that it is a problem, no matter where you go- everyone is doing it.  But it wasn't until now, that I realized that they weren't doing it like me. I actually don't think I was 'doing it like me' until just recently when I needed to control everything else in my life.  Yes, I said control...it isn't a lack of control in my life that led me to this point, it is too much control that needed an escape route.  That route was any sugary substance I could get my hands on.

Where did this need for control come from?  In the past year, there have been a lot of changes in my life, great changes.  A new baby, a new home and a new job.  They say these are some of the most stressful things you will ever do in your life, so I decided to bang them all out in one big tsunami.  Although these changes were positive ones, with them brought a whole new load of responsibilities and a need for some serious control.  The baby was on the move- control the environment.  The mortgage needed to get paid- control the finances.  The job is on a trial basis- control every move you make all day!  I was trapped in a balloon of control and just wanted someone to open the knot.  That knot was opened and in came the sugar.  It was the one thing that I was allowing myself, subconsciously, to not have to control.

It started off just fine...you know one a day, just when I drink, just when I am out with friends.  but before I knew it...there is that damn camera guy in the passenger seat as I do a line of peeps.

1 comment:

  1. I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there!

    ReplyDelete